The Surprising Secret to Becoming a More Impactful Communicator
How do you have one-on-one conversations that leave the other person feeling energized? How do you create a more dynamic presence on social media? And how do you give presentations that leave the audience feeling as though they've walked away with a ton of value? The answer to all of these questions is, well… more questions. Here's why the simple art of asking questions can transform the way you communicate — in person, online, and on stage.
The Harvard Study That Proves Questions Matter
In 2017, Harvard conducted a research study to understand what makes a great conversationalist. They divided participants into three test groups:
- Group One was instructed to ask the majority of questions in their conversations.
- Group Two was simply instructed to have regular conversations.
- Group Three was purposefully asked to ask fewer questions in their conversations.
The results were clear and consistent: Group One was rated as more likeable by their conversation partners — every time.
This aligns perfectly with conventional wisdom. As Dale Carnegie wrote in How to Win Friends and Influence People, there's a powerful principle at work: be interested, not interesting. When we ask someone about their genuine interests, it energizes them. Ask a friend about her love of music, the book she's reading, or her favorite board game, and she'll light up — because she's passionate about those things. And when we're truly interested in return, it unlocks something within that person.
How Questions Transform Your Social Media Presence
This principle translates seamlessly to the digital space. Consider two versions of the same social media post:
Version one: "I love summer. My favorite thing to do is play beach volleyball."
That might get the odd like, maybe a few comments.
Version two: "I love summer. My favorite activity is beach volleyball. How about you? What do you love about summer?"
By adding just a few words, you're no longer speaking at your audience — you're inviting conversation. That shift drives significantly more engagement.
The same applies to direct messages. Instead of simply hitting the "like" button on someone's Instagram story, try asking a question. If a friend is traveling through England, ask: "What's been your favorite city so far? What's been the highlight of the trip?" If someone's posting about a new sport, ask: "How long have you been playing?"
Not only does this deepen your relationships, but you'll be rewarded algorithmically as well. When two people exchange direct messages, social platforms interpret it as a deeper connection. As a result, your content will appear on their newsfeeds more often — and theirs on yours. It's a win-win.
Why Questions Make You a Better Public Speaker
Now, how could questions make a speech better?
If you paused to think about that for even a second, you've already proven the point. When we're sitting in an audience, we're passengers — leaning back, absorbing information passively. But the moment a speaker asks a question, something shifts. We think, "Wait — am I supposed to answer that?" It's a small shot of adrenaline that re-engages attention instantly. And by hearing responses from other audience members, the speaker creates a richer, more dynamic presentation.
But there's a second dimension to this: research. Asking questions before you present is just as important as asking them during your presentation. Imagine you've been invited to speak to a room full of realtors, and you launch into a talk about impressing your boss and navigating the employee-employer relationship. That's not going to resonate — most realtors are independent contractors, not employees.
The fix? Ask questions beforehand. Talk to the event organizer. Connect with a few people who will be in the audience. Understand who they are and what value they hope to take away. That research will help you shape a presentation that's as effective and relevant as possible.
Lessons Learned: Reflections on Delivering This Speech
This message was originally delivered as a Toastmasters Level 1 speech, and the experience offered some valuable lessons worth sharing — especially for anyone working on their own public speaking skills:
- Slow down. During practice, the speech clocked in at around seven and a half minutes. On stage, it came in at five minutes and thirty seconds. Nerves and adrenaline have a way of accelerating our pace. Embracing pauses and deliberately slowing down remains one of the most important — and most difficult — habits to build.
- Use facial expressions. Body language matters enormously in public speaking. Incorporating more expressive facial cues can elevate a presentation from good to memorable.
- Reinforce the "why." It's not enough to explain how something works. Great speakers continually thread the importance of why the audience should care and take action. Restating the stakes throughout your speech keeps people motivated and engaged.
Conclusion
Whether you want to be a more impactful communicator in one-on-one conversations, a more engaging presence on social media, or a more compelling speaker on stage, the answer is remarkably simple: ask more questions. Questions show genuine interest, invite participation, deepen relationships, and re-engage wandering attention. The next time you find yourself reaching for something clever to say, try reaching for a thoughtful question instead. You might be surprised at how much it transforms the conversation — and the connection.